A Detachment to Attachment
I found myself wired up to my best friend, Lisa since the age of or let’s just say since eight grade. Quite oddly our friendship started over me chasing over a pin up of Samantha Fox. As weird as this may sound let me get your thoughts straight, it was not for obvious reasons but only for one of her top hits “I surrender” . I begin to wonder now what was so astonishing about the harmony in there however my choices altered down the years to the likes of Whitney Houston, Sade, Michael Jackson and most recently being modified by Jill Scott, Joss Stone, Alicia Keys, Rihanna, if I would like to trip may be a flavor of Pitbull, David Guetta and Nicki Minaj would provide that perfect cocktail. Just imagine a by product of David Guetta and Nicki Minaj…. Man would we have more than just a melody. Ya, ya, ya, ya
The journey began….. as we were together in the same school most of our growing up school years were partly shaped by our convent days. Our acquaintance grew and I slowly found myself building a trust cave which was to be moulded in “friendship”. We went to the same tuitions together, joined the same prayer group, shared our struggles and soon our circle of friends were built around the formation of our like minded values. I began to find in Lisa the perfect friend, calm, unruffled, a bit coy but at the same time just what every one would need at that age of 14, someone who covers for you, accompanies you on that morning jog, is happy when you find a crush, whose mom keeps her door open at all times and above all is non judgmental. Our vacation was what butter is to bread, now don’t take me in the literal sense of the word as am fortunate not to have been lured by the green bait (read as MONEY) and so I was able to make my days countable during every summer holiday. Not that I did belong to an age where only physical recreation and parks were considered far more than just reasonable sources of enjoyment but the kind of leisure jobs available were just not so intellectually stimulating nor had the addiction of facebook and techno gizmos originated.
And yes 8th grade, we didn’t have that kind of money flowing for coffee bars around town. We looked forward to our holidays as much as one would to your first cup of morning chai and would regularly meet every single day. Simply put, not meeting would make it seem that there was no song for the day.
Our May days were never planned. Two months of sheer riposo, (Relaxation in Italian) except if it did concern around a family outing. In that case we would have to follow the mannerisms of our dear parents. Most of them would include a visit to “get to know” relatives. Although there was never a culture shock considering the stream of similar traditions it was an exciting time going to the cousins. And for sure you did have all your talking mirrors around you, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and the whole gamut of it. There were several of them that are now safely stored both in the heart and in the head. Lisa’s parents were the kind where in if you had a choice to choose your folks; you would definitely put your finger tips on both of them. Her mom was worth a hundred of school counselors and her dad although he was sailing most of the months was as patient as fishing. Sometimes I wonder if he ever learnt it from the calming sea.
My family really didn’t go for too many vacations considering the working parents so it was mostly summer camps in which we were enrolled in. At times I would jump in Lisa’s car as the door was always open and hop along for a ride or may be a trip to her relatives place.
As a teenager I most certainly was driven by being outdoors. So if I was ever to be found my parents just knew that it would be in my second home, Lisa’s place. The laws of attraction in our friendship were centered around true and innocent happiness. My friendship with Lisa began to gain momentum with an intensity that couldn’t be stopped so much so that when posed with the choice of a family function and a friends party, the latter would win, leaving besides the point of where I would finally end up. Over the years, the many lunches-and-dinners- and – tea time snacks expanded the horizons of my acquaintances but still, I really didn’t seem to find another Lisa..She was just so unique in her own way and the sweet nectar of friendship was just forming cords of attachment.
During my late teens as all girls are definitely swept away on fashion boardwalk, it did bite us too…Well that’s normal isn’t it? The path to freedom was long awaited. Off with convent services and we were free birds waiting to claim the sky. Lisa decided to go into town to the now autonomous body, St. Xavier’s whilst I settled in a college in the suburbs
Churned by the youth age, spirited by passion, driven by youth jargon, college days were finally here. . Our conversations rolled around junior college fun, teacher pranks, train travels, Malhar and yes of course, the “wanna be ones”. Apart from sharing study notes and exam papers the puzzle didn’t seem complete. After 12th grade I rooted myself out from the suburbs to migrate to Marine Lines. The taste of teen spirit seemed to be definitely worth the wait. To be a Xaverite. Ah.. How many would now vie for that status symbol. I was fortunate to have attained the scores which today if I had to extend to a metaphor it would be to attain a position among management. In a way it seemed just the right time to step in college, when you already had a circle of friends out there. So I didn’t really have to start from scratch nor had to go through the tunnel of ragging. So there I was with my good old china, Lisa stealing whatever moments of fun we came across.
“This is the wonderful time of your life, enjoy it to the fullest” said my parents. I wish I had taken that statement a little more seriously than to have focused my mind on the choice of subjects. I feel a little sad as I look back and in a spliff my college years seem to have flown by. But hey, I still have that spirit in me. Glad I don’t need a refresher course on that one. I would give up anything however to go back to those days again.
It was soon time to turn to the streets, choosing a career. At first the very thought of at least getting a good decent job would require being equipped with some sort of skill. Lisa and I were both very inclined on customer service at a crusing altitude- an air hostess… It wasn’t easy but we tried and we failed. Lisa then went on to complete her IATA course which would give her a step into aviation and it did, whilst the call centre syndrome had hit me. We would then get to meet on the weekends; those were the party Saturdays as I would call it but nevertheless, the good Saturdays. By now our rhythm in friendship reached a point where by we were ending up each others sentences. The party meter had struck and soon we were on the club train. Fleetwood Mac, Gina. G, Kylie Minogue all had our feet tapping. But still a string seemed detached.
A vacancy opened up in Lisa’s airline, I applied and I got the job, though a trainee and a stoop down to almost half of the amount I was already earning, I gave it a shot with a thought that this is it. The travel bug was ingrained in me and being part of the airline industry just reinforced its meaning to my life. We were back and those were the best days, working with your best friend. I came to realize having a best friend is the best blessing ever and one of life’s greatest gift. Our holidays were now centered around planning short escapades and we would take off, Dubai, Hongkong however I have to admit out here, funny as it may sound, being part of an international airline, we were partial to Goa as our number one destination.
We worked together, traveled together for close to three years and then the bell tolled. It was time for a wedding. Lisa was getting married. Finally after a long wait her little hands were now full. She would be moving to Dubai. It made me feel that this vacuum could never be filled. Things would be different with this distance. Although I would seem to still have the basis of our friendship, a friend to call on at any hour, to take off at any time would no longer be in close proximity. Did I make a mistake out here or was it those cords of attachment that were already too strong to break. It’s not easy to withdraw from a friend especially after having a connection of more than fifteen years now I would say. I just can’t share so much of stupid stuff with just about anybody and at the same time be grateful to her for more than just friendship.
Now as a solo show, I didn’t get the Samantha Fox pin up however an MOU was signed. I realized I didn’t want to loose her friendship. In terms of getting back to my groove, yes I have, I have made new friends (which you will read about later in Victorian childhood)
Will I still fall prey to chords of attachment in the future? Well may be but with the right amount of detachment. Until then I wait for the day when we can sit around and spin that wheel with the same momentum that it had started with…
Lisa (name changed) is now settled in Dubai where she lives in her beautiful villa along with her husband and two mind-bogging boys and boy is she one hell of a busy mama..
